Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
