Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
