i used baking grease as lip gloss
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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