i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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