I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
