We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
