yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize