eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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