man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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