I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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