you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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