so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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