I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
