I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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