Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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