remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
