I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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