My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
