nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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