6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
