I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
