I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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