I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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