After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
