I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize