I'm so fucking centered right now
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
