My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
