Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
