next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
