She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
