its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
