So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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