bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just want to make out with him forever
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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