It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
