I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
