I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
