loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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