Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
please come you make the beer taste better
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
