No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
