Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
