Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
