She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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