Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
