I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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