it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's no shave November. This is our time.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
