There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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