I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
