I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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