white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
