he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
