i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
