Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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