I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
