she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
