You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
