I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
