Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
