If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
