I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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