I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
