Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
