There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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