He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
