So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
