So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
