Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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