peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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