Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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