I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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