What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
