He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
