Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize